Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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