New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
