wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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