As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
