It's Friday. Sex?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
