I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you inspire me to be a worse person
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
