Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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