Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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