Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
