I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
