Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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