ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
