Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
