So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
