yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
