I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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