Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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