So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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