I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
