I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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