My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
A+ Viking dick
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
