Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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