I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
