is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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