You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
