i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
two words...techno handjob
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
