I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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