I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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