cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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