I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
