I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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