I just pynch a tree in the face
Someone shit on the floor
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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