I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
