Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
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A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
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Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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