You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
