I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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