I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
