So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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