Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
