Dual....:-)
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
