We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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