***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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