That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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