Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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