New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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