You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
