i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
