In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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