dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
