I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
