she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
