I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
