Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
