i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
