So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
