So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
