he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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