Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
