he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
