I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
