Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize