I'm gonna have a badass scar
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I smell like Dick and happiness
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
