im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i think i have herpe
just one?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
