YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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