Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
