I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
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I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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