Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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