I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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