D3 body, D1 cock
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
