I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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