Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The ass gains better be worth it
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