i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
