If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
