so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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