I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
