if i can run in heels then i can drive
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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