I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize