ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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