Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
