I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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