i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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