Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
