He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
