I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
